The most powerful tool we have is our voice. When we find the courage to use our voice, it has the power to positively change the life of others . Dealing with Health Issues, is hard. On the surface everyone's life can look perfect, instagram and Facebook social media platforms are focused on perfection and the need to create a highly polished and curated version of our lives.
As most of you know I was dealing with a debilitating health crisis starting last January to the present. I lost control of my body due to constant seizures. This effected my entire family and traumatized them on a daily basis. I spent approximately 3.5 months in medical care. Living with an illness can effect your health both physically and mentally . The tole it took on my body effected my ability to cope with psychological and emotional stress. This they call "fight, flight and freeze." I remember a nurse trying to start a new IV, she had to dig and it didn't hurt, I felt nothing. An illness can trigger anxiety and depression which then erodes over your health. It made it impossible to do anything. I didn't know who I was anymore, I was lost.
My life became about doctor appointments, tests, hospital visits, keeping track of symptoms, side effects and lots of questions that don't necessarily have answers. I was having so many seizures and they were getting longer and more severe. I was on this rollercoaster of having a seizure and then being very medicated to stop the seizure so it wouldn't damage my brain. The medication's they gave me to stop the seizures made me a walking zombie. Basically I lost control of my life and my identity, I was an illness not a person. Dealing with an illness can leave you feeling alone and cut off from even those closest to you. You may feel that other people can't understand what you're going through because they can't. I worried about being a burden on people if I talked honestly about how I feel. It's important not to isolate and retreat into your shell. If you're dealing with depression and anxiety please talk to someone . Dealing with the trauma I endured I know I must deal with it head on to move forward with my life. This is not a short easy fix, its a long journey but I have professionals who are helping me along my journey. Trauma is caused by being overwhelmed and feeling powerless. The truth is none of us get through life without these types of experiences and we all have "trauma" to some degree. There are so many resources available. Coping with change is difficult but with help you will slowly see the light. You spend most of your time inside your head. Make it a nice place to be. Since trauma embeds itself within our bodies, seeking assistance with trained a trauma professional will help you in the healing process, far beyond what we can accomplish if we try to attempt the steps on our own. I found this Poem I wrote when I was sick: You think you know me I smile You think I am strong I always smile I try not to Complain So I smile So this is me I am a Mother and a wife This makes me smile I am 55 I feel blessed When I love, its with my whole heart This makes me smile I am dealing with an illness Sometimes I cry Not having control is hard Its Spring, the birds Sing I smile I have good days I smile I have bad days I cry My life isn't perfect I took my health for granted Yes, I cry I treasure my family They make me smile One day at a time I try to smile but I cry |
My head felt foggy on most days. One thing I have learned is to never take your health for granted. Loosing control of your health puts your life into perspective. Slow down, lets your body heal and accept help and kindness. For you women who feel you're standing on the edge, remember there's so many people that will help pull you up. Serious heath problems develop unexpectedly and you will feel overwhelmed by waves of difficult emotions from fear and worry to profound sadness, despair, and grief or just feel numb, frozen or feeling like you'll ever be able to cope. The emotional upheaval can make it difficult to function or to think straight and can lead to anxiety and depression. My first responses were : * Anger, frustrations and facing your own mortality. * Grieving the loss of your health and your old life * Shame on how your condition is effecting those around you. * Denial that anything is wrong * feeling isolated and cut off from friends and love ones who can't understand what your going through. * feeling that you have lost yourself and your not you , your just a person with a health problem Dealing with an illness changes who you are *it teaches *it defines *It will change you *You will have good days *You will have bad days *You try to fill your head with hope *At times you disassociate from the world *Its Ok to hide from the world *Its OK to need help *Your illness starts to shape who you become *tomorrow is another day * Its OK to cry *Just because you can't today, it doesn't mean you can't tomorrow. *Its a battle So please allow yourself time to feel. It might seem better in the moment to avoid experiencing your emotions, but they exist whether you pay attention to them or not. Don't let anyone put a timeline on your healing. My body and my mind were broken and it takes time to move forward. There is no person in this word living this same story. Therefor , there isn't any person who gets to put a time frame on how long it takes you to heal and move forward. You are doing perfect, just the way you are. You are strong. You are courageous. You are healing beautifully. Journalling Your Feelings Journalling helped me when I was sick, it helped me explore my thoughts and feelings surrounding my illness. Not only was it therapeutic to put my feeling down on paper but it was a good way to keep track of my symptoms . Being in the hospital during covid was very stressful, keeping a journal was so helpful as I didn't have another outlet to let out my feelings. Yes I had family to talk to, but if you have ever dealt with an illness, its not just you who lives your illness , its all the loved ones in your life. You can see the pain and fear in all of their eyes. So at times I did feel selfist vocalizing my feelings. Keeping a journal was essential to my survival. Now as I am healing I can see how far I have come. Journalling about traumatic events will help you process them by fully exploring and releasing the emotions. I am still traumatized by everything that I went through when I was ill. I came across a page in my journal where I wrote down how I wanted my funeral to be. Its a strange for me to go back into that dark time when I was so ill. Reading this shows me how far I have come now. The most import reason to keep a journal when your dealing with an illness is it will help you track your emotional and physical progress as well as it will help with your stress management . |
It's Ok to Cry
Nothing is more beautiful than a smile that has struggled through tears.When you encounter challenging times, try to take control of your through quickly. Think of a happy memory. Choose tor email focused on joy and happiness. Joy will give you the clarity to move forward. Positive, happy thoughts will assist you , showing you how to navigate through the bumps. And Breath. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5 Once Upon a time came a life of perfectionThe internet is flooded with video's of perfection. But this isn't life. Maybe if we all share the good with the bad . Life is hard and it's messy. With my long illness came the loss of control with my body and depression. It was so difficult and again Doctors were happy to put me on Anti-depressants and Anxiety medications. Life was far from perfect. Finally a DiagnosisThe science of medicine might be advanced but it doesn't mean that it is always exact. I started writing in a journal, how I felt basically any symptoms. This way when I went to a specialist I didn't forget anything. I was give many diagnoses , from Fibromuscular Dysplasia to Epilepsy. I had so many seizures that my chest was purple from the paramedics trying to awake me. When I was in Emergency I was given so many different medications without a definitive diagnosis. When you read the drug information included with any medication prescribed for you , there seems to be a long list of possible side effects. I found allot of these medications made me feel worse. I had constant seizures both epileptic and non epileptic. The doctors finally diagnosed me with Epilepsy but I had also developed Serotonin Syndrome due to interacting medications. My daughter noticed that after I would take certain medication I seemed to always have a seizure. This is when my serotonin levels became so high. Epilepsy is the fourth common neurological disorder that effects people of all ages. Its characterized by unpredictable seizures that can cause other health problems . |
How to be an effective advocate for a loved one in the hospital.How to advocate for yourself when you live with an illness. Wow, do I wish I had know how to do this at the beginning of my illness. I was fine and living my life and then I was thrown into a tornado of dealing with a serious illness. I didn't question what the doctors told me or what medications they gave me. They were Doctors and I thought they knew what they were doing. Forgetting that they were human beings and medicine is a science, basically a guessing game. Being in the hospital can be stressful and confusing. It can be difficult to get the information you need from your doctors and healthcare teams. An illness can rob you of the ability to take care of yourself or manage your affairs. Advocating for yourself when yo go into the hospital unconscious is impossible. Because of Covid we were told that I could not have an advocate come with me when I went to the hospital in an ambulance. This is NOT TRUE. If you're incapacitated you're legally allowed to demand for an advocate. I was not able to make decisions about my health, so I should not have been alone, but we didn't know what our rights were. I didn't feel I was being heard by doctors and the nurses. I could always tell when I was going to have a seizure. I would get tingling in my fingers and a severe headache . I would buzz the nurse and they would give me medication to stop the seizure. One night this happened and I buzzed the nurses station. The LPN came and took my vitals, putting down my bedrail . She went to get the nurse as she was not allowed to give me the medication. I knew I needed this quickly but she couldn't find the nurse. By the time she found her I was on the floor having a full seizure. She didn't give me medication to stop it. After I asked her why, she said my husband signed a NO MEDICAL INTERVENTION ORDER. I was so upset and called him, He didn't sign this. The nurse choose just not to give me the medication. I felt frightened and not safe. So I packed up everything with my IV in and left the hospital. By the time I got home the hospital was in a panic and admitted their error. I went back only until we could find an alternative place for me to go |
It's Ok to ask for a second opinion. I remember a doctor in the hospital telling me there wasn't anything they could do for me and for me to go home. So I then thought "this was going to be my new life" and I could not live the rest of my life like this. The doctors knew they had to get me off many of these seizure medications as they gave me Serotonin syndrome . The problem was that during Covid there wasn't one doctor who was overseeing my chart. I was prescribed many medications that shouldn't have been prescribed together. So Now I had to start coming off these medications. This is not an easy thing to do as my body had become dependent on these drugs.
I didn't feel safe in our Hospital system and was lucky to find a private hospital who would help me recover . Now I start my journey at Ravensview Homewood Health Center. This was a scary journey with lots of ups and downs as my body dealt with the withdraws of four seizure medications.
I didn't feel safe in our Hospital system and was lucky to find a private hospital who would help me recover . Now I start my journey at Ravensview Homewood Health Center. This was a scary journey with lots of ups and downs as my body dealt with the withdraws of four seizure medications.
Coming soon, is my journey of recovery, health and wellness with the Doctors, Therapists and specialists at Ravensview. It's been a long and slow recovery that I am still living with daily. Now that I am getting on my feet physically I have found that I have been struggling with the fact that I lost entire year. I keep thinking I will just shake it off, but it's been difficult. Many serious health problems seem to develop unexpectedly, upsetting your life. You feel overwhelmed by waves of difficult emotions from fear to worry to profound sadness, despair and grief or just feeling numb frozen by shock with the feeling you will never be able to cope. The emotional upheaval can make it difficult to function or even think straight and can lead to depression. I know with time I will put it behind me.
My advise is to let yourself feel. It may seem better in the moment to avoid experiencing your emotions, but they exist whether you're paying attention to them or not. Trying to ignore your feelings will only increase stress and maybe even delay recovery.
Social support can have a huge impact on your mental health when you're dealing with an illness. Staying connected to others will make a world of difference in your mood and outlook and let you deal with your illness. So let people in! Don't let worries of being a burden keep you from reaching out.
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